Sadie "Bunny" Darnell-Palmer's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Sadie "Bunny" Darnell-Palmer NAVIGATION: USERINFO. ADD ME. FRIENDS. WEBSITE. LAYOUT. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[May 2nd, 2006] NEW JOURNAL. ohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcotics ohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcotics ohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcoticsohnarcotics I added pretty much everyone already, but make sure you add me back. COMMENT.

[May 1st, 2006] So, basically, I don't feel like typing up a good entry. So, I'll just copy/paste my email to my sister. This has certainly been an interesting weekend. Let's see.. Thursday, I woke up and went to check my email, and had about 4395743975 IMs from Ty. So, I had him call, and talked to him while I got ready for school. Then we hungout after school. I went to Tyler Money's house, and we walked to Milrace and talked. We talked about pretty much everything. Friday my mom came and picked him up after school, brought him here. We talked some more, and then my parents took us to the show. Ended up staying at Ryan Burton's house and drank it up. It was the most fun I have had in a long, long, long time. Even if his dog tried to murder my face off. That's the night Ty admitted to stealing money from me. So, drunk as fuck, I call Mom at like 4 or 5 am to tell her. Yeah. I'm smart. So, Saturday Kelly's sister took us back to E-Town and we had a long-ass talk with my parents. I ended up getting pissed at Dad (big surprise there huh?) and stormed out. But Ty kept talking to them and stuff. Anyways, afterwards Dad took us to Ty's dad's and I stayed night there until Monday (today). I just got home around uhh 8 or so. I helped Mom cook dinner, and now I'm just writing you. So, yeah. There's more.. detail to it and everything that has happened but that's the just. I'm wondering what all of this is going to lead to. But we'll see. I think I'm going to go back to Edinburgh to hangout tomorrow, but who knows. And I'm bored and still waiting on Ty to call back. So I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. ♥ - Pumpkin 1 / COMMENT.

goddamn my nerves. [April 23rd, 2006] Why can't I stop shaking? COMMENT.

[April 22nd, 2006] Ahhh! Those are from like, a year or two ago. When my dad had a heart attack, so Justice, Bree, and I stole my dads pot. hahaha. I miss those times... 8 / COMMENT.

[April 22nd, 2006] Member 3504 oh god. i think my av jus got wet.. 1 / COMMENT.

[April 22nd, 2006] Ahh, nothing better than waking up still messed up; with only a vague idea of what happened the night before.. I stole this from Cali. I'm in the mood to get some things out anyways. Ten random thoughts about ten random people...and no names. Are you on here? 1. I think you are an extremely amazing person, who tends to make mistakes here and there. But that's who makes us who we are, and I won't hold any of them against you or the relationship we finally have. I waited for what feels like centuries to be able to confide in you, tell you things. And it was so hard for me to knock down the wall I put up because of you. I spent so many nights, hoping you'd come home, hold me, and sing me Silent Night until I fell asleep. I wanted to trade clothes, gossip, girl-chat. Do normal things that sisters do. I take everything you say, to heart. I don't blame you for leaving, because if I had the oppertunity, I would, too. This house is hell and you have no idea how lucky you are that you got out of it. You mean so much to me, and I refuse to let our bond slip away. 2. I think you're strong, and you're honestly one of my heros. You've been through hell and back and managed to help me not make the same mistakes you did. You don't pry, and because of that, I know I can come to you with a problem. I know I don't tell you everything, and I wish that I could. But I don't want your opinion of me to change. I put you through hell for so many years, and still you think so highly of me. I don't want to jepordize that. I don't want to let you down, even though I know that I sometimes do. I want to be like you when I grow up. Not a spitting image, I don't want to be your clone. But I want to take everything you have taught me and make a sturdy life for myself, like you did. I hope I can be atleast half the woman you are someday. 3. There are times, when I honsetly hate you. You made my life a fucking living hell, and I wish you would just fall off the face of the Earth. And yet, I love you. Because you helped me become who I am today. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of who I am. And I wouldn't be able to if you hadn't been there to fuck my life up. I can forgive you for all the bad things you did, and let other people do. But I'll never forget. I've tried. I don't hold you very highly. I don't think you are a good person in any way. But I know, somehow, you care about me. 4. I'm not exactly sure what to say about you. I don't know you very well. But we're a lot alike. And I respect you. But you try to make decisions for me, and you look down on me a lot. You were an amazing friend, but I think it's bullshit we aren't friends anymore because I drink/do drugs once in awhile. I know you're just looking out for me, and I appreciate that. But to throw away a good friendship because of it, is ridiculous. 5. You're one of my very best friends. And I hate that we jepordized that by going into a relationship. I love you to death, but I honestly just think we are much better off as best friends. And I'm sorry. My goal was not to hurt you. I thought that it could work, but it can't. I wish it could. You're an amazing, amazing person. You've always been there for me; despite the situations. You stuck by my side for everything. I don't want to lose our friendship, or have things be awkward. I want to lay in the tunnel, and in the big red bubble, or at my "nest." I want to be best friends forever, just like we promised. 6. For once in my life, I stepped outside of my boundries. You taught me how to love, learn, and be myself. You were the first person I was ever a million percent comfortable around. You aren't the same person I knew, at all. Not anymore. And sometimes, I miss that person. They were amazing, and we were unstoppable. Or so I thought. And I don't hate you, not anymore. I forgive you. You taught me that people are going to come and go, no matter what. So I'll cherish what we had, and our memories. I won't miss you anymore, because I already don't. I won't worry about you/care about you, because you told me not to. I'd never take you back, not in a million years. You did me way too wrong. But I'll always be here for you. No matter what. I promise you that. 7. I've known you for a long time. We used to hate eachother, but that wasn't really our fault. I'm so glad that we're this close now, though. You're such an amazing person. You keep me smiling and laughing all day. You're so fucking sweet, and adorable as hell. No one has ever really understood some of the things I've been through, but you do because you've been through it, too. I'm scared to death of you, honestly. But I'm doing my best to push it aside and go slowly. I want to take things as they come. I almost cried when you told me you don't want to scare me away, or lose me. Because I feel the exact same way. You treat me so well, which is something I'm not exactly used to. When you stood up for me last night, I was amazed. No one had ever, EVER, done something like that for me. And I hate when you say that you want to prove you wouldn't hurt me. You don't have a single thing to prove to me. You'll never know how glad I am you're in my life. I love our inside jokes.. like that one time at band camp, GIT IN DA HO', I win, ect, ect. Pillow fights are my favorite, and not just because I always win. You're the reason I look forward to school. And I'm really looking forward to see where all of this will go. PS: twitch! 8. I don't even know what to think, but I know you love me. We're not even really related, but I always felt like we were. It's okay that we don't talk a lot. I know you're here for me when/if I need it. 9. I miss our friendship. And I'll just leave it at that. 10. YOU! Where do I even begin? We have been through hell and back ( on a boat?! ) and still, here we are, BFFs. No one in this world has ever understood me COMPLETELY. No one except for you. You, my love, are my ROCK. When everyone else deserted me, you were there smiling, proud as hell to be my best friend. You mean the world to me; you and him, ARE my world. Sometimes, when I fall down, you don't catch me. No, that would be too easy. You give me yr hand, and you help me back up. You don't want to feed me life on a spoon, and I love you for that. You let me make my own mistakes, even when you know I'm making one. But you're still there, helping me through it. I don't care that we are are on opposites sides of the US. No one in this world will ever treat me like you do, love me like you do, and be my other half like you are. Distance only makes the heart stronger, even though our hearts couldn't get any stronger for eachother. We are like a married couple minus the marriage and the couple. See? Only you would understand something like that. Someday, our plans will all come true. We can cuddle and cry and be best friends together. The day you move in with me is the day my life really begins. I love you so fucking much. You have no idea. 3 / COMMENT.

[April 22nd, 2006] lmao so basically i pierced my ear. and my ear said "POP!" and now, i pray it doesnt get infected. 3 / COMMENT.

[April 22nd, 2006] hahahahaha. tonight was soo fucked up. so heres to coming home smelling like pot and booze apparently. which i more than likely do, considering. i feel feeling like imgoing to fall over and im suprised i havent yet, ahhh. i gueesss everyone says ben, squirrel, and justin are mad at me? whatever man, i can make my own decisions, im a big girl...... im prety much sick of people saying "dont settle down dont settle down yr 16 date whoever you want, dont fall in love" and im basically sick of listening to them. I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. OKAY? Maybe its the pot. or the vodka/whiskey. but i can make my own decesions. and i took everything you said tonight, to heart, despite the fact i dint wanted to. since him, i cant take anything anyone says seriously. but part of me believes you. okay, 90% of me believes you. and im going to tell everyone to stfu and im going to shut up myself. im going to give you a chance, to not hurt me. the things you said ot me tonight, ill never forget. you understand me ina way that no one does. you say things to me, that do one else has. and i hate trusting you, but i will. fuck being high. fuck being drunk. fuck everything right now. except you. "you know how you said you were worried? well i am falling for you. take the rope lights for example......" "keep doing what you're doing." "one more hit." "one more drink." ahhhhh everything is going through my head at once. i want to curl up and stop thinking, stop breathing, stop everything. but i dont want to stop talking to you, or you. i am talking to you right now, for exmaple.. you are seriously, my best friend. in this world.you know who you are, jessica palmer. and you, i dont even know what to say, but yr amazing. and no, i promise im not listening to them, and you have nothing to be afraid of. i promise. im not like her; and i know youre not like him. we are better off. i believe you. i believe in you. and i know everything is going to work out for me, in the end. but whaaatevz, im going to write nate a letter and go to bed. before i end p passing ut anyways, THANK GOD FOR FRIDAYS. whatevz. 2 / COMMENT.

[April 20th, 2006] Show tomorrow. Then. Staying with Ben. Fun fun. Things are still going okay, for the most part. But mostly I can't get my mind to work the way I want it to. It's so cold in this house Open mouth swallowing us The children staying home from school Will not stop crying And I know that you're busy too I know that you care You got your finger on the pulse You got your eyes everywhere And it hurts all the time when you don't return my calls And you haven't got the time to remember how it was It's so cold in this house It's so cold in this house I can't eat, I can't sleep I can't sleep, I can't dream An aversion to light Got a fear of the ocean Like drinking poison, like eating glass It's so cold in this house Come and show me how it was We've got crosses on our eyes Been walking into the walls again We've got crosses on our eyes Been walking into the furniture We've got crosses on our eyes For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse We've got crosses on our eyes We've been walking into the furniture COMMENT.

[April 19th, 2006] Just for the record: I beat Nate 26 to 2 in pillow fights. But I lost in the blanket fight. And almost got eaten by wild animals. Even though I hid in the closet.... COMMENT.

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